Certain of Nothing
It’s no small feat putting a child to bed. A child doesn’t think about sleep the way an adult does. Closing one’s eyes, turning off the lights, snuggling in a warm blanket, for a child is like checking into county jail.
My wife and I have been at this for eleven years now. We began our journey with the Ferber method. That lasted two weeks. If only Dr. Ferber had written a follow-up on how parents can self-soothe while teaching their baby to self-soothe, we might’ve stuck with it.
By the time our second girl arrived, we’d figured out how to sleep on a matchbox-size corner of the bed and drive up the mountain at 2am with one hand on the car seat.
Babies two and three are a bit of a blur, mostly because they didn’t demand to be rocked, sung to, or use our bodies as scratching devices before closing their eyes.
I wish I could say the same about number four.
Last night, after getting home late, I kicked off my shoes and tiptoed into the girls’ room, shining my phone light. Two were missing.
Just recently, my wife started laying a blanket and pillow on the hard wooden floor next to our bed for our youngest, whom we’ve nicknamed “the child who does not sleep.” I’d be lying if I said this simple act hasn’t revolutionized our lives, our marriage. It takes eleven years of putting children to sleep for this kind of creativity to manifest.
I swept the light across our room. A little body lay on the floor. It was our third-born, who is by far our best sleeper, and by far our worst eater.
The fourth child was missing. “Where’s Eden?” I whispered, running back to the girls’ room, searching every corner.
I returned to our room, my phone moving like a lighthouse beacon.
There she was: standing bolt upright against my side of the bed. “Time for bed, Edie,” I said, “C’mon let’s go to your bed.” She didn’t move. As I stepped closer, I aimed the light at her face. Her eyes were closed, and she was breathing heavily.
I watched her for a long moment, half-amused, half-marveling, considering a nickname change: “the child who sleeps standing.”
I scooped her up in my arms, then laid her down in her bed, certain of nothing.
